When I look back upon my younger days, my angsty, early teenage years play in my head like old yearbook slideshow on a school projector screen. Images of dark lipstick, sticky eye makeup, and blonde hair with dark roots flip to a grungy 90s soundtrack of alternative rock, and I can’t help but feel nostalgic.
I’m not gonna lie, I don’t think I could pull off most of my nineties looks anymore even if I wanted to… Let’s just say, my days of greasy hair and beaten up skater shoes are behind me, but I have been finding myself drawing a lot of inspiration from the grunge trend that is in full force this fall!
Dark roots for example… Um, yeah— got that covered. Peeling nail polish, check! If there’s one thing about 90s style that I love, it’s how low maintenance you can be and still get away with looking trendy! Also, eyegloss is now a thing. That’s right! I no longer need to fight with my mom or get turned down by a boy (story of my 90s life) to get that trademark just-broken-up-with, been-crying-all-day look! If only I had known that I had to do was slap some gloss on my eyes, and finish up with a deep burgundy lip to look perfectly, gorgeously, existential.
I wore a lot of men’s clothes back then (mostly because I couldn’t fit into a lot of the women’s stuff that I liked), so my grandfather’s old Burberry trench and scarf (which incidentally, have lived through the 90s just like me) are a definite homage to that. Besides, they look freaking gorge over this stunning cutout dress from SmartGlamour!
Its silhouette is reminiscent of the 90s slip dresses that I never wore because they showed too much belly, and the cutouts are a shoutout to the bare midriff that never had the courage to show off when every girl and her BFF were rocking crop tops!
As much as a pair of Doc Martens would have worked with this outfit, I didn’t wanna go full grunge, so I slipped on a pretty pair of lace up flats to complete my 90s inspired look!
It makes me feel super old, but I love that the iconic style I grew up with is cool again. I also love how it’s been stripped down to its dirty, dingy core, and has come back minus the butterfly clips (not gonna pretend I’m not relieved). So give me all the 90s Gwen Stefani, Alanis Morrissette and Courtney Love vibes, because I think it’s about time that teenage me got a style do over!!!
Dress, SmartGlamour – here (use discount code CynthiaSG for 10% off any SmartGlamour purchase, plus free shipping)
Trench, scarf – vintage Burberry
Shoes, Aldo – similar
Life is all about taking risks, overcoming obstacles, and breaking through barriers… But when self-doubt starts seeping in through those little cracks that a lifetime of being ashamed of yourself has left behind, it can be much easier said than done.
I’m not saying this because I’m in the mood to dish out life advice, but because my self-doubting thoughts almost got the best of me last week, and I know that so many of you beautiful people struggle with your own body image too.
I receive comments from my followers all the time, about how much they wish they could have my confidence…
So, I really wanted to remind you all, that even the most confident, body positive people still have those moments when it’s hard to love themselves sometimes, and you are sooooo not alone on those days when you look in the mirror and feel like you’re just not good enough.
The confidence you see in my pictures didn’t happen overnight. It is an ongoing process, and I never want any of you to think that it is unattainable or unreachable in any way.
I woke up on the morning of my shoot. I had planned out my whole outfit. I had actually been really excited about it, because it had been a while since I wore something a little more risqué.
The look was made up of four of the most fabulous, sexy, and empowering pieces I own — a black, gold studded, bodycon mini dress from Stylzoo, a stunning chain headpiece from Ready To Stare, my amazing thigh high boots from SexyPlus, and the most incredible black satin bomber from SmartGlamour, with custom lettering.
I began berating myself for having ever thought I could pull off such a sexy look. Who am I? A thirty-something, fat wife and mother looking like a hooker trying to show someone a good time…?
I fat shamed myself. I slut shamed myself… Two things that I am so strongly opposed to, and yet there I was, staring at my own reflection, picking myself apart and telling myself that I didn’t deserve to feel sexy, and that showing off my body somehow made me less valuable. I almost didn’t leave the house.
Then I thought of my Stylzoo dress, and how hard I have fought to love my legs and belly, and feel comfortable showing them off.
I thought of my boots from SexyPlus, and how fierce they made me feel the moment I stepped out in these first pair of thigh-highs I had ever found to fit my legs.
I thought of my headpiece from Ready To Stare, and how rad as hell it is, and how much of a sexy goddess it makes me feel.
And I thought of my bomber from SmartGlamour, and how excited I was when I was able to select the words “FAT GIRL” in big gold letters, to be displayed across the back, because I’m fat and proud of who I am!
The thought of how I had come so far to finally accept my body —myself, and feel good in the clothes I love, came flooding back, washing the doubt into oblivion.
And I decided, fuck what I think people might say about me, my body, and how I choose to dress it! I’m not going to let my self-doubt get in the way of me wearing the stuff I love, just because I’m worried about anyone’s judgement!!!
I went out and did my shoot on a busy street in late afternoon, looking fly as hell; and I just wanted all of you to know that even when you see my pictures and think it looks easy, I do still struggle with self-confidence, and I don’t ever want any of you to feel alone in that!
The important thing to remember, and I hope I can be an example of it, is never to forget how far you’ve come — how hard you’ve worked toward self-acceptance, or how badly you want it. You deserve to love yourself, and that’s what will bring you back to reality — and that reality is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that YOU ARE WORTHY.
Dress, Stylzoo – here
Customizable Bomber Jacket, SmartGlamour – here
Headpiece, Ready To Stare – here
Boots, SexyPlus Clothing – here