I love my body. I didn’t always, but this pasty white, jiggly mass of flesh and bones that is the vessel of my consciousness, we’re cool now.
It’s a good thing too, because this bod and I, are kind of stuck with each other. We may as well get along… After all, life is a lot easier when you’re in a mutually beneficial relationship, especially when it’s the one you share with yourself!
I used to avoid taking my body out to certain places. I didn’t want to be seen in public with it. I was ashamed. This hurt my body very much. It also hurt me. I began to resent it. I wished it looked better. I wished I had a different one.
I didn’t like eating in out because I would worry that my body might not fit into the booths. I worried that people would stare at us as we ate. I rarely went to places like the pool, or the beach. I couldn’t bear the thought of people seeing my body in a bathing suit.
I wanted to love it. I wanted to be able to look at my body and like what I saw, the same way everyone on TV and in magazines seemed to be able to. I just didn’t hadn’t yet realized that the answer wasn’t that I needed to change my body, but rather, I needed to change the way I saw it.
I started looking for beauty in the parts of my body I had convinced myself weren’t beautiful. I began looking, and I mean, really looking at it in the mirror and in photographs, and changing the language I used to describe it. I started feeding it the foods it liked without worrying about their calorie count. I stopped treating my body like it deserved to be constantly punished for looking different than the way the movie stars and magazines told me it should.
You see, I spent most of it telling myself how good I would look if only I had a better body, how I wished I could have somebody else’s— how much I hated it. The disassociation I made between my body and self became my reality. I separated myself from it as an act of self-preservation, and it took me all these years to get up the courage to apologize to my body for how badly I had treated it, and promise to it, that I would never let myself do that again.
So to you, I may just look like a fat girl on the beach, strutting around showing off my swim body in a floral bikini, and on the surface, you’d be right… But if you dig a little deeper, what you’ll really see, is the foundation of a newly rekindled relationship between a once very broken girl, and her body, that never was.
A big thank you to this bikini babe for these awesome shots!!! (Except for this one, which I can thank my mum for!)
Bikini, GabiFresh for Swimsuits For All – here
Sandals, ASOS – similar
Cover up, Zellers – old AF (Zellers doesn’t event exists anymore, haha)
Today I’m going to talk about boobs. Yes. Boobs… Boobs and sun.
I was born and raised in Montreal – a city where for a good chunk of the year, the air is so cold it literally hurts your face…
We don’t have palm trees, there are no pineapple plants, and our beaches certainly don’t resemble the white sands & turquoise waves of the Caribbean; but for a few months each summer, we do have sun, and I think, from living in a climate of extremes, we know how to appreciate it better than most!
We swim, we camp, we fish, we bask… Not much keeps us inside in the summertime. After all, we’ve waited months to actually go out without freezing our arses off, right?
And while it isn’t officially summer just yet, the sun is definitely shining down on us, and its warm glow has gotten me feeling kind of frisky!
I know what you’re all thinking… When’s she gonna get to the boobs?
So instead of me getting to them, I’m bringing the boobs to you! Bam!!!
Now if you know me at all, you know that going braless (and often pantless) is far from being a rare occurrence for me, as long as I’m at home or able to throw a winter coat over it, but going visibly braless is public is not something I’m used to.
So when I wore this incredibly elegant and whimsical, sheer maxi dress from the new Zelie For She, Island Vibes collection, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and flaunt my braless titayyys, because boobs are amazing!!!
At first I felt shy. I felt that familiar wave of self-questioning panic wash over me… But after a few moments (and some encouraging words from my loving husband/photographer for the day) I told myself, fuck it! I don’t need to wear a bra to please anyone but myself, and ruining the gorgeous neckline of this dress will make me sad, so screw the bra (at least for today)! My tits are free!!!
Sure I got winked at by an old man on a bike with spectacular calves (which I’m not going to lie, was a bit of a confidence booster even if he was old enough to be my grandpa).
But, I felt sexy and alive – my breasts, which have fed my four babies, been pillows for my husband, are to me, symbols of my womanhood. They are truly miraculous entities (or should I say, en-titties), and are nothing to be ashamed of.
They’re no longer perky, they have stretch marks, and imperfections – but they’re mine, and they’re beautiful… And I will never let self-consciousness stop me from being a braless goddess again when I feel like it, especially under the warm sun!
Dress, Zelie For She – here
Shoes, Aldo – old, but love these
From the minute I first laid eyes on it, I just knew… This is the one. The flattering length, bodycon cut, and the print… Ohhh, the PRINT!!! I can’t even!!! When I look at it, it evokes images of coconuts, sand, and ocean waves… A dusty roadside marketplace, colorful linens and mangoes for sale… It is, in a word, perfection.
I’ve pulled my hair up in a big, luxurious bun for an elegant, exotic look that definitely lives up to this dress’s fantastic tropical print.
And so… I’m just gonna come right out and say it – I look HOT!!! So hot, in fact, that I couldn’t help myself… I even took a belfie!!! That’s a butt selfie, by the way!