I love my body. I didn’t always, but this pasty white, jiggly mass of flesh and bones that is the vessel of my consciousness, we’re cool now.
It’s a good thing too, because this bod and I, are kind of stuck with each other. We may as well get along… After all, life is a lot easier when you’re in a mutually beneficial relationship, especially when it’s the one you share with yourself!
I used to avoid taking my body out to certain places. I didn’t want to be seen in public with it. I was ashamed. This hurt my body very much. It also hurt me. I began to resent it. I wished it looked better. I wished I had a different one.
I didn’t like eating in out because I would worry that my body might not fit into the booths. I worried that people would stare at us as we ate. I rarely went to places like the pool, or the beach. I couldn’t bear the thought of people seeing my body in a bathing suit.
I wanted to love it. I wanted to be able to look at my body and like what I saw, the same way everyone on TV and in magazines seemed to be able to. I just didn’t hadn’t yet realized that the answer wasn’t that I needed to change my body, but rather, I needed to change the way I saw it.
I started looking for beauty in the parts of my body I had convinced myself weren’t beautiful. I began looking, and I mean, really looking at it in the mirror and in photographs, and changing the language I used to describe it. I started feeding it the foods it liked without worrying about their calorie count. I stopped treating my body like it deserved to be constantly punished for looking different than the way the movie stars and magazines told me it should.
You see, I spent most of it telling myself how good I would look if only I had a better body, how I wished I could have somebody else’s— how much I hated it. The disassociation I made between my body and self became my reality. I separated myself from it as an act of self-preservation, and it took me all these years to get up the courage to apologize to my body for how badly I had treated it, and promise to it, that I would never let myself do that again.
So to you, I may just look like a fat girl on the beach, strutting around showing off my swim body in a floral bikini, and on the surface, you’d be right… But if you dig a little deeper, what you’ll really see, is the foundation of a newly rekindled relationship between a once very broken girl, and her body, that never was.
A big thank you to this bikini babe for these awesome shots!!! (Except for this one, which I can thank my mum for!)
Bikini, GabiFresh for Swimsuits For All – here
Sandals, ASOS – similar
Cover up, Zellers – old AF (Zellers doesn’t event exists anymore, haha)
The gorgeous Vanoue of The Curvy and Curly Closet decided to extend the festivities by adding this extra special challenge to allow us to continue celebrating this special occasion!
Please scroll down, all my English speaking beauties! A translation will follow!
Oui, le 16 du mois de juillet est déjà passé, mais ça ne veut rien dire quand nous fêtons toujours le 2ème anniversaire du French Curves Challenge !!!
La resplendissante Vanoue, de The Curvy and Curly Closet a prolongé les festivités en ajoutant ce challenge extra spéciale pour nous permettre de continuer à fêter l’occasion !
Le thème aujourd’hui: BIKINI !!!
L’été passé, je me suis retrouver dans mon premier bikini. Depuis ce jour, je me suis promis de ne jamais avoir honte d’en porter un.
Il y a quelques années que jamais je pourrais imaginer que j’allais être aussi confortable aujourd’hui, en publique, en train de montrer mon ventre, mes cuisses et mes fesses au monde, mais coucooouuu !!!
Je suis fabuleuse en bikini !!!
N’oubliez pas, vous pouvez decouvrir les contributions de toutes les autres merveilleuses French Curvettes ici !!!
Haut de maillot, Monif C. – ancien
Bas de maillot, Swimsuitsforall.com – ici
Haut à capuchon en maille, Addition Elle – similaire
And now for my Anglo readers!
Today’s theme: BIKINI!!!
Last summer I wore my first bikini since my childhood. Since that day, I’ve promised myself to never be ashamed to wear one.
A few years ago, I never would have fathomed feeling this comfortable in public, showing off my tummy, my thighs, and my butt to the world, but yoohooooo!!!
Here I am!!!
Totally fabulous in a bikini!!!
Don’t forget, you can discover the contributions of all the other marvelous French Curvettes here!!!
Bikini top, Monif C. – old
Bikini bottoms, Swimsuitsforall.com – here
Mesh hoodie, Addition Elle – similar
Dear woman who tried to shame my body today,
There are a few things I’d like to say to you — a few things that I think you need to know; and I will lace my words with an excessive amount of photos of my glorious bod in a hot pink, see-through dress and bright red bikini, because I think it would do you good to see more of the body you decided to pick apart on social media today.
As a blogger, in one of my weekly contributions to another blog, I was asking followers to help me pick between three outfits that I chose for an upcoming date night with my husband. I think I looked really cute in all of them, for the record — and, sometimes a girl just wants a little feedback!
I answered you so politely when you criticized body. I told you that “I love my belly, my big butt, and my cellulite, as does my hubby! They’re part of me — no need to hide them! 😊 It’s not about looking thinner. The beauty of body acceptance is learning to love our flaws! ❤️”
You’re welcome to disagree with my view points and clothing choices all you want, but never once did I mention anything about your thoughts on my outfits. I also didn’t get upset… In fact, I think I gave a pretty polite and friendly response that spoke only of how I wasn’t ashamed of my body parts that you seemed to feel weren’t attractive.
You, a plus size woman yourself, stated that you were entitled to your opinion, then proceeded to tell me that loving my body was a copout because I am too lazy to try to better myself and my health. (Really, you said it!)
When I, again very politely, explained that I am in very good health, and wished you would realize that your comment was judgemental and uncalled for, you said that I must not be as secure as I claim to be because I was being defensive and over-sensitive.
You went on to say that that you had balls, and stood by your opinion… And that I shouldn’t be a blogger if I didn’t like it — somehow believing that it is your right to police my body, call me names, be blatantly rude, and that, because I have a blog, I’m not supposed to call you on it.
Others jumped to my defence, but you attacked them too, and laughed at the whole situation, referring to a comment I had posted for someone else, explaining to them how taking back the word ‘fat’ had empowered me.
I politely excused myself from the conversation, stating that your perseverance was admirable, that you had so much potential, and I wished you could have used it to uplift your fellow women rather than tear them down.
Soon after, your comment was removed. Obviously nobody was in agreement with your insults disguised as opinions, and false sense of entitlement… So, my apologies if the events may seem a little out of sequence, because again, your comment was deleted, which took all of your, my, and everyone else’s carefully crafted rebuttals with it, leaving me with only my tear-filled (sarcasm, in case you didn’t pick up on that) memories to refer to. You are entitled to your opinion, let’s just get that out of the way so you don’t have to say it again, but I will not let you believe, when you attack my body and character then accuse me of being insecure when I respond, that I can’t see right through your smug facade, to a woman who is filled with self-doubt, insecurity, envy and fear.
I will also not allow you make me love myself any less than I did before reading your enlightening comments — in fact, they’ve made me love myself more! You see, when you show your true colours, and they’re dim, grey and muddy, they make mine shine much brighter.
What you thought would stop me really just propelled me forward, and reaffirmed how important my blogging truly is.
So what I’m really saying here, is thank you. Thank you for making me feel even more beautiful, secure, and important today.
I know your intention was to make yourself feel better by trying to bring me down, so I’m sorry (not sorry) that I couldn’t help, but I would gladly love to offer you a compliment if you ever decide to actually post a profile picture of yourself one day. I’m sure you have all kinds of beauty that you just don’t see when you look in the mirror.
And lastly, even though your attempts at hurting me failed miserably, I hope you come to understand that not everyone is as strong and confident as me. Not everyone will be able to take something wonderfully positive away from the experience of having a person try to publicly humiliate them; and not everyone will understand that your attempts at trashing their self-esteem, are really just projections of your own insecurities.
Bikini, Addition Elle – here
Well, I’ve been working up the courage to actually get out there and do a photo shoot in swimwear, and believe me, the struggle has been real! So real, that this amazing Sexy Lips midkini from swimsuitsforall.com has been sitting in a drawer since I purchased it at the beginning of the summer.
But I’ve been so inspired by bloggers like Garner Style, who rocked the hell out of a black and white bikini (and made me fall in love with round sunglasses & body chains and was totally the inspiration for my look today), as well as my amazing followers who are so confident and gorgeous, that it was about time that I face my fat girl fears, and do a photo shoot in my very own fatkini!!!
I’ve paired it with two separate, but matching, black, sheer coverup pieces, which I love the idea of, because this way you can cover up less or more depending on the heat of the sun, or how cool the breeze is too. Also, it allows for a more modest option without sacrificing style, if, as was my experience at a beach resort in Haiti, you are required to cover up on top to go into a beachfront restaurant.
No swimwear look would be complete without the right accessories, so I went with my favourite gold, metallic flip flops, big gold hoops, my bangles, (no surprise there) and this fantastic body chain from Forever 21 (note, this is not a plus size piece, so I removed the chain link that connected the two shoulder pieces in the back and replaced it with a longer chain for a better fit).
It really took a lot for me to share these photos with all of you; and I only hope that I can inspire someone who, like me, felt that she wasn’t “perfect” enough to be seen this way. I hope to show that regardless of stretch marks, cellulite, and fat rolls, we can still be beautiful, confident, and enjoy a day at the beach, or an afternoon, poolside like me, in our own backyards, just as any other woman would.
I’m truly am feeling fabulous and empowered in my fatkini and this definitely won’t be my last one!!!