Tagged: body acceptance

The Girl Who Dates Her Own Body 

I love my body. I didn’t always, but this pasty white, jiggly mass of flesh and bones that is the vessel of my consciousness, we’re cool now. 


It’s a good thing too, because this bod and I, are kind of stuck with each other. We may as well get along… After all, life is a lot easier when you’re in a mutually beneficial relationship, especially when it’s the one you share with yourself!



I used to avoid taking my body out to certain places. I didn’t want to be seen in public with it. I was ashamed. This hurt my body very much. It also hurt me. I began to resent it. I wished it looked better. I wished I had a different one. 


I didn’t like eating in out because I would worry that my body might not fit into the booths. I worried that people would stare at us as we ate. I rarely went to places like the pool, or the beach. I couldn’t bear the thought of people seeing my body in a bathing suit. 


I wanted to love it. I wanted to be able to look at my body and like what I saw, the same way everyone on TV and in magazines seemed to be able to. I just didn’t hadn’t yet realized that the answer wasn’t that I needed to change my body, but rather, I needed to change the way I saw it.  

I started looking for beauty in the parts of my body I had convinced myself weren’t beautiful. I began looking, and I mean, really looking at it in the mirror and in photographs, and changing the language I used to describe it. I started feeding it the foods it liked without worrying about their calorie count. I stopped treating my body like it deserved to be constantly punished for looking different than the way the movie stars and magazines told me it should. 

Now I take my body out on dates. We go to restaurants, movies, and out for ice cream in public together. We don’t care who sees us. We’re in love. 



We even go to the beach together… In a bikini… After hiding my body for all this time, it deserves to feel the warmth of the sunlight, and the caress of the beachside breeze.  


We’re so in tune with each other, my body and I, that we’ve basically become one… I mean, one could argue that we always have been, but it sure didn’t feel that way for most of my life. 


You see, I spent most of it telling myself how good I would look if only I had a better body, how I wished I could have somebody else’s— how much I hated it. The disassociation I made between my body and self became my reality. I separated myself from it as an act of self-preservation, and it took me all these years to get up the courage to apologize to my body for how badly I had treated it, and promise to it, that I would never let myself do that again. 


So to you, I may just look like a fat girl on the beach, strutting around showing off my swim body in a floral bikini, and on the surface, you’d be right… But if you dig a little deeper, what you’ll really see, is the foundation of a newly rekindled relationship between a once very broken girl, and her body, that never was. 

A big thank you to this bikini babe for these awesome shots!!! (Except for this one, which I can thank my mum for!)


Bikini, GabiFresh for Swimsuits For All – here 

Sandals, ASOS – similar 

Cover up, Zellers – old AF (Zellers doesn’t event exists anymore, haha)

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The Here, The Now, And The Leopard Print Dress 

Is it really almost August!? In just over a month, will I really be back to fighting with my kids to wake up in the morning, packing school lunches, and arguing over homework!? Ugh. Where has the time gone? Am I the only parent that dreads the start of the school year every fall? I’m sorry, (not sorry) but those “it’s the most wonderful time of the year” Staples (or, Bureau en Gros, here is Quebec) commercials are all lies, and nobody will ever be able to convince me otherwise. 

We still have another month to go though, so rather than get ahead of myself, which is hard to do with my daughter already breathing down my neck about locker accessories (She’s probably the only kid I’ve ever known who was actually excited about back to school, and did you know they sell locker chandeliers and carpets? Me neither.), I’m trying to make the most of what’s left before the leaves start to fall off the trees, spiralling downward, alongside my sanity. 

It’s all about bright colours and all things summery for me these days (except when I just feel like wearing back, because black) and this dress from IBBI is basically my whole life right now. 


I wore the magenta version of it recently on the blog, and you can imagine my surprise when its turquoise blue sister showed up on my doorstep! It’s not everyday your blogger mail is so absolutely perfect, and unexpected, to boot! 

Now, I joke (mostly) about dreading the the end of summer, but if there’s one thing that can remind me that it’s not over yet, it’s vibrantly coloured leopard print! It’s bold, flashy, and everything summer clothes should look like! The irony is, that because of its incredibly versatile fabric, oddly enough it will actually be the ideal fall dress too!


It kind of makes it hard to resent a whole season when you realize that one of your favourite dresses will be perfect for it. So what if happy summer mommy transforms into her alter ego, stressed irritable mommy? At least she’ll look fab, right!? 


I kid, I kid… But for real though, it’s always awesome when great clothes have the undisputed potential to transition effortlessly into another season, especially summer to fall. Let’s face it, for many of us, that’s already a frustrating enough passage, so not needing to rethink our wardrobes is a definite bonus! 


This gorgeous leopard print dress from IBBI, paired with cute, lace-up wedges from Penningtons, and flamboyant yellow earrings is everything I need to keep me in the present. Its ability to be the perfect fall dress too, however, is a friendly reminder that it’s okay for me to plan for the future without getting ahead of myself. 


Sometimes we just need to live in the here and now, and while it’s still summer, I will do my best to savour it instead of (as my mother would say) wishing my life away (which I have a tendency of doing each year around this time). 

I have no choice but to think ahead. I’ve got my oldest son commencing his final year of high school (holy crap) and my youngest son starting his first day of kindergarten (um, also holy crap), not to mention my two middles (that’s what I like to call them) going into grades 5 and 8. Life now requires more planning than ever, but those little things that keep us focused on the present moment are key. 


Who would have thought that a leopard print dress would have such a profound effect on me… But hey! Who am I to question the things that contribute to my mental health!? 


The important thing to take away from all of this is that we all need to recognize the little reminders that the universe sends out to us. They come in many forms, in my case, in the form of a surprise package on my doorstep. Don’t find yourself worrying so much about what’s to come (back to school, yuck), that you don’t let yourself enjoy what already is (summer, yay). We all need our own leopard print dresses every now and again… Mine just happened to be a literal one this time. See blog post about pink version of this dress here


Dress, IBBI Collection – here

 Shoes, Penningtons – similar 

Earrings, eBay – old 

(A special shoutout to my bestie, Crystal for the awesome shots!!! 🙂 

Stained Glass 

I used to shy away from attention. I would keep my head down, avoid eye contact so I wouldn’t get noticed. I walked around like a ghost, somehow making my large, fat body melt into the background. 


I could hide behind any pillar, disappear behind any wall, and though my ample hips would protrude, they were invisible… I, was invisible. 


You have such a pretty face, she said to me… She was my thin, beautiful, popular cousin’s thin, beautiful, popular friend. 


The words stung like hot blades cauterizing the wound as they cut, numbing me with the smell of my own burning flesh… Flesh. Pounds of it boiling over, seething, bubbling and molten under my clothes. 


I went crazy for a while. I watched them be attractive, be desired, be lovable. I wondered what it would feel like to be lovable too. I thought surely, there must be no better feeling than that of being wanted. 

I opened myself to any attention people payed me. I searched for it wherever I could. Just flaunt what you’ve got, they said, so I flaunted my fear of being alone.


They came running, saliva dripping down their necks, drawn by the intoxicating aroma of a woman who believes she is worthless. I let them abuse me, use my fears to control me. I let them break what was left of the girl with the pretty face and send me to my knees in a cloud of dust and broken dreams. 


But I was lucky… As I peered into the rubble that was left after I crumbled, the sun shone and I saw a glint of light, dusty, cracked, but twinkling. 


I pulled away the debris, brushed off the dirt, frantically rummaging for those shimmering bits of myself that I might still be able to salvage, and the flecks of smoked light began to transform. 


Before my eyes, the shards came together to form spectacular patchwork panes, stained by my memories, my shattered hopes, and the beauty in my reflection that I had never been able to see. 

I watched myself become whole again, or arguably, for the first time, bound together with lead, only toxic if I let it in; and the colours, they were glorious, refracting the sunlight, swallowing the darkness, all the while changing any light that passed through, making it fascinating and magnetic. 


Coloured glass, the proof of my existence, brittle yet magnificent. Lead, the reminder of my past, reinforcing my fractured pieces and making me strong. 

When I rose to my feet, I was not the girl with the pretty face. I was the girl with the pretty colours, all shades of light bouncing off one another, emanating from the core of the body I once thought unworthy of shining. 

My design, intricate. My pattern, complicated, but mesmerizing, and my colours, true and indelible. 


Dress (custom) – K Couture Customizable Formal Wear – customize your own here
Trench, Eleven60 by Kierra Sheard- here 


Clutch, Aldo – similar 


Shoes, Shoes Of Prey – design your own here 

Don’t Flatter Yourself, Cupcake

“That designer should be fired,” they said… “Not flattering at all,” they said… “Even the model looks unhappy to be wearing it,” they said… But what did Alysse Delassandro, designer (and said “unhappy” model) of the controversial Ready To Stare Convertible Cupcake Dress say…?

Fuck you to flattering fat girl clothes,” and I couldn’t agree more! 

  

I saw it on Facebook first, back around the time her holiday collection launched — the nasty comments, all because a designer dared to challenge society’s idea of what plus size fashion should be. 

   
 
Even though I’ve learned not to be surprised by the closed-mindedness of people on the Internet, I couldn’t help but be a little bit shocked that so many plus size women themselves couldn’t see how empowering a statement this dress (which can also be worn as a skirt) truly was. 

   
 
I get it though, I don’t feel this way personally, but I get it — we, as fat women, have fought so hard to wear form fitting clothes and be accepted by society, that the idea of wearing a piece that hides our curves seems scary — but it’s not.

   
 
In fact, it’s probably no more scary than the first time a fat woman wore a bodycon dress, which, newsflash — angry conformists everywhere probably had a problem with too! 
 
 What Alysse has done, is go up against the standard, which was once a controversy itself, and say, it’s time to forge further and conquer new territory in plus size fashion! It’s time to step out of these stagnant waters and allow ourselves to accept that we have a right to wear any style a thin person can, whether society deems it “flattering” or not! 
  
All of that aside, I love this dress. I loved it even as my eyes were drawn down into vitriol being spewed in the comments section, and not just because I think everything Alysse touches turns to gaudy, yellow gold (in the most perfect possible sense, of course) but because it’s playful, bold, and one of the most couture plus size pieces I’ve seen this year. 
   
  
   
 So as it comes to a close, and we ready ourselves to stare 2016 in the face, I wish you all very happy holidays, as I prance through the snow in festive red, woven with gold, that, like its name suggests, looks good enough to eat! 

  

Dress, Ready To Stare – here 

Shoes, Shoes Of Prey, designed by me- design your own here 

Necklace, Forever 21+ – old, similar 

Shawl coat, Forever 21+ – old, similar 

I’m Baaack

I suppose I owe everyone a bit of an explanation as to why I seemed to have all but disappeared from the blogging world for about two months… It wasn’t intentional — I haven’t been on vacation (unfortunately), nor have I been lacking amazing content to bring to you lovelies…

Not long after my birthday, at the beginning of November, my husband became very ill and was hospitalized. We weren’t sure if he was going to make it or not. It was one of the biggest scares I’ve ever had, and it really put life into perspective for me. 

Before you start worrying, everything is fine — he has made a full recovery, thank God! His illness was brief, but severe, and thankfully he was soon back home in my arms, where he belonged!

Understandably, this was a very stressful event in my life, and I have found it difficult, until now, to even try to wrap my mind around blogging, but throughout it all, I kept feeling this guilt over staying away from my amazing followers, so much so, that it made me avoid anything blog related, because it reminded me too much of how I missed it!!! 

I’m thrilled to say that I’m back, and I’m ready to show off a fabulous look that I shot way back in November, which was originally supposed to be featured in that month’s French Curves post. For obvious reasons, it never saw the light of day, but I thought it a shame to waste the shots and not share! 

       

This is, hands down, thee most amazing fleece cape/poncho/shawl (which is how I will be referring to it, since I’m not really sure which word describes it best), and would you believe, it was purchased from Costco!? Freaking COSTCO!!! 
 
Who knew a boxed cape/poncho/shawl from Costco, (and when I say boxed, I’m talking a men’s-underwear-mega-value-8-pack style box) could have the potential to be so chic!? 

   
 
  
I paired it with my fave jorts from Penningtons, which I’ve fall/winterized by wearing over a great pair of printed tights from Addition Elle. I love how the wild and sexy leopard print plays against the super classic houndstooth print, and they look so cute with my wooly, Penningtons booties!

  

Underneath, I wore an an oldie but a goodie, my military inspired, high neck top from Great Glam, which I’ve had for years, and continue to adore! 

  
Last but surely not least, let’s talk about my favourite new accessory — these totally gorge leather & faux-fur mittens, from Little Burgundy!!! I can’t even with these mitts! They’re so fab!!!

  
This is the absolute perfect outfit for the unusually mild fall/winter we’ve been having here in Montreal, and it has provided me with one of the two very valuable life lessons I’ve learned over the past couple of months:

   
  
#1, Life is fragile, so remember to tell the ones you love just how much they mean to you, because at any moment without warning, you could find yourself in danger of losing them; and #2, never turn your nose up at boxed Costco clothing, it may very well end up being the chicest thing in your closet one day! 

  
Cape/poncho/shawl, Costco – maybe still available in store

Jean shorts, Penningtons – old

Booties, Penningtons – possibly still in store

Tights, Addition Elle – here 

Top, Great Glam – old

Mittens, Little Burgundy – here 

The Final Curve

5 years ago, I probably would have laughed in your face if you told me that one day I’d be saying that my VBO (visible belly outline) is sexy. And like, not just an uncomfortable giggle… I mean, a full on, straight from the gut, you-must-be-off-your-rocker kind of laugh. 

  
Who knew I would ever be able to utter the words “I love my belly” without resentful sarcasm!?  I certainly never would have believed it — but here I am, looking at my soft, protruding, B-belly, like, “dammmmn!!!” *wink/weirdly opened mouth/awkward head nod* 

  
I’m not about to shout from the rooftops that I’ll never wear shapewear again, because I do still love the look and feel of a tight, somewhat smooth bod under my clothes sometimes, and there’s nothing wrong with that…

  

   
But, I will say this: I am never going to be uncomfortable displaying my belly when and how I please, because I don’t need to hide it to feel sexy!!! It’s soft, round, and jiggles when I walk, but so do my boobs and my butt, and I love those! So it’s time to embrace the final curve!!! 

 
As it goes with most of my body acceptance accomplishments, it usually begins with a great outfit! 

   

These amazing, faux leather trimmed leggings and black mesh top from SexyPlus are so gorgeous!!! They’re the perfect pieces for a night out dancing, or for casually layering, as I’ve done under this beautiful kimono from Zelie For She.  

  
Paired with some simple grey flats, silver accessories, and a fabulous felt hat from Addition Elle this summer, the all black pieces underneath give amazing detail and texture to the whole look! 

   
   
And of course, my newest favourite accessory — my VBO!!! 
  

Mesh top, SexyPlus Clothing – here (on sale!!!)

Leggings, SexyPlus Clothing – similar 

Duster, Zelie For She – similar 

Hat, Addition Elle – here 

Shoes, Walmart – similar 

Jorts

As I stepped out a couple of weeks ago in my denim shorts, my teenage son sarcastically commented, “mum, are you wearing jorts?”

  
“Jorts?” I wondered. The look of confusion on my face, obvious. 

  
“Jean shorts…? Jean. Shorts? Jorts..?” He exclaimed. 

  
Ahhh, of course. JORTS!!! How have I never heard this portmanteau? It’s brilliant! And it seems that I’m the last person to be aware of its existence!!! 

  
And yes — yes I am wearing jorts. And they’re awesome — even though my son seems to think otherwise. 

  
But whatever. He doesn’t know my life… 

   
That’s a lie. Yes he does — but I’m gonna keep wearing my jorts anyway!!!

  
   
Jorts (shorts), Penningtons – similar 

Top, Walmart – still available in store 

Sandals, Penningtons – here 

Dice ring, Ready To Stare – here 

Clutch, Ted Baker – old