An Open Letter To The Woman Who Tried To Make Me Feel Ashamed Of My Body

Dear woman who tried to shame my body today,

There are a few things I’d like to say to you — a few things that I think you need to know; and I will lace my words with an excessive amount of photos of my glorious bod in a hot pink, see-through dress and bright red bikini, because I think it would do you good to see more of the body you decided to pick apart on social media today. 

  
As a blogger, in one of my weekly contributions to another blog, I was asking followers to help me pick between three outfits that I chose for an upcoming date night with my husband. I think I looked really cute in all of them, for the record — and, sometimes a girl just wants a little feedback! 

  
Anyway, you told me that “[my] belly sticks out,” that my shirt is “making [my] butt look larger” and that “[b]urgundy pants are not for [me]” because they “[s]how[] the cellulite in my legs.”

  

I answered you so politely when you criticized body. I told you that “I love my belly, my big butt, and my cellulite, as does my hubby! They’re part of me — no need to hide them! 😊 It’s not about looking thinner. The beauty of body acceptance is learning to love our flaws! ❤️”

  
You’re welcome to disagree with my view points and clothing choices all you want, but never once did I mention anything about your thoughts on my outfits. I also didn’t get upset… In fact, I think I gave a pretty polite and friendly response that spoke only of how I wasn’t ashamed of my body parts that you seemed to feel weren’t attractive. 

  
 
You, a plus size woman yourself, stated that you were entitled to your opinion, then proceeded to tell me that loving my body was a copout because I am too lazy to try to better myself and my health. (Really, you said it!) 

  
When I, again very politely, explained that I am in very good health, and wished you would realize that your comment was judgemental and uncalled for, you said that I must not be as secure as I claim to be because I was being defensive and over-sensitive. 

  
You told me there is classy and trashy, and that you guessed I had made my choice. You also reminded me, in case I had forgotten since your previous comment, that you had a right to your opinion. 

  
So, now, not only did you try to shame my body and my lifestyle, but you also went and called me trashy. 

  

You went on to say that that you had balls, and stood by your opinion… And that I shouldn’t be a blogger if I didn’t like it — somehow believing that it is your right to police my body, call me names, be blatantly rude, and that, because I have a blog, I’m not supposed to call you on it. 

  
Others jumped to my defence, but you attacked them too, and laughed at the whole situation, referring to a comment I had posted for someone else, explaining to them how taking back the word ‘fat’ had empowered me.

 
 
I politely excused myself from the conversation, stating that your perseverance was admirable, that you had so much potential, and I wished you could have used it to uplift your fellow women rather than tear them down. 

  
Soon after, your comment was removed. Obviously nobody was in agreement with your insults disguised as opinions, and false sense of entitlement… So, my apologies if the events may seem a little out of sequence, because again, your comment was deleted, which took all of your, my, and everyone else’s carefully crafted rebuttals with it, leaving me with only my tear-filled (sarcasm, in case you didn’t pick up on that) memories to refer to. You are entitled to your opinion, let’s just get that out of the way so you don’t have to say it again, but I will not let you believe, when you attack my body and character then accuse me of being insecure when I respond, that I can’t see right through your smug facade, to a woman who is filled with self-doubt, insecurity, envy and fear. 

  
I will also not allow you make me love myself any less than I did before reading your enlightening comments — in fact, they’ve made me love myself more! You see, when you show your true colours, and they’re dim, grey and muddy, they make mine shine much brighter. 

  

What you thought would stop me really just propelled me forward, and reaffirmed how important my blogging truly is. 

  

So what I’m really saying here, is thank you. Thank you for making me feel even more beautiful, secure, and important today. 

  
I know your intention was to make yourself feel better by trying to bring me down, so I’m sorry (not sorry) that I couldn’t help, but I would gladly love to offer you a compliment if you ever decide to actually post a profile picture of yourself one day. I’m sure you have all kinds of beauty that you just don’t see when you look in the mirror. 

   

And lastly, even though your attempts at hurting me failed miserably, I hope you come to understand that not everyone is as strong and confident as me. Not everyone will be able to take something wonderfully positive away from the experience of having a person try to publicly humiliate them; and not everyone will understand that your attempts at trashing their self-esteem, are really just projections of your own insecurities. 

Warmest regards, 
                            Cynthia xx

   
 
Dress, Zelie For She – here, or similar 

Bikini, Addition Elle – here 

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112 comments

    • phishbambaataa

      idk about others, but a traditional bikini is uncomfortable (i.e wedgies) and the little bra strings hold none of my 38H sized breast at all….

      • Gypsy

        Damn! Right on! You Madame are epic. please continue to convince larger women to accept that it is possible to be drop dead gorgeous and large.

        ~a runt who likes to Cook and snuggle

    • Janelle

      I love the red dress, and the positive attitude. To Kitty who asked why big girls don’t wear regular bikinis, for me it is a matter of support not about how much skin is exposed. I dress for my comfort.

    • Demi

      I think “Fatkinis” are a throw-back to the fifties and are currently kind of a trend overall. But, I would like to see more women in “bikini-style” bikinis if they’re comfortable in them. That would really make a statement 🙂

    • Brittany

      Yes, bikinis don’t provide any support and the cups aren’t big enough to hold my breasts inside. I don’t mind showing skin but Id rather not have a boob fall out for the world to see. The low rider bottoms aren’t good for me at all either because they tend to roll down when you have a belly and by roll down, I mean basically showing your butt and potential lady bits as well. Wedgies, pinching my hips, just not comfortable at all.

      • Lola

        I so agree, Brittany. The front rolls down, but the rear stays up for me. I’m a one-piece girl now.

      • Jax

        Lane Bryant makes great larger cup sized bikinis. I own 3 and opt out of the “catkin I” bottoms and just wear regular ones. Not string though lol that’s gross even on skinny girls.

    • Sandy

      “Fatkini” is just a spin on the word bikini, it’s not a certain style of bikini. (I wouldn’t hate it if the word “fatkini” went away all together, to be honest. Fatties don’t need -another- qualifier for our clothing.) If you are referring to the long tops/high-waisted bottoms, well, that’s just the way larger swimsuits are made. “They” don’t make those tiny tops and bottoms for fat women because “they” don’t want to see us in them.

      Besides that, a lot of us larger fatties need more support than the tiny bikinis provide, especially in the bust. It’s why I stick to bra-like tops and “skirtini” bottoms.

      • Brooke

        actually BigGalsLingerie.com does make string bikinis up to 12X and there are people out here who do want to see us in them! Maybe not everyone but there are people. 🙂

  1. Vj Washington

    Sounds like she (the troll) needs a check up from the neck up! IMHO, you are rockin’ that whole ensemble! From the hair to the toes….it’s ON! Self-hating BBWs/Plus size women/”fatties”/Women of Size are the WORST! It’s as if they have -JOY in their being, so they try to extend that -JOY to other women of size. You radiate with positivity and that makes some uncomfortable, especially if they don’t love themselves…..Your response is on point and KEEP ON DOING YOU!!! In solidarity…..

  2. Molly

    Girl, you are a gorgeous woman, made more beautiful by your amazing attitude about life. It’s taken me years but I’m starting to accept and love that I’m not a small girl anymore, and that’s perfectly ok. It’s hard, but women like yourself inspire me to feel more comfortable in my own skin, so thank you. Also, your hair is fabulous! Keep up looking lovely in whatever makes you feel comfortable, it has a more positive impact on more people than you’ll ever know =)

  3. Christina

    All I want to know is where are these shoes from!! Cute!!!

    And I wish confidence oozed from me like you strutting your stuff with no shame…. Beautiful!

  4. Pita Elita

    I’m jumping on this bandwagon late, this is the first blog I’ve ever joined. I only have one thing to say..holy moly where did you get those awesome outfits. You look amazing and I’m jelly!

  5. maybliss2014

    Awesome post! I LOVE the combination of you calling out this person on her judgmental comments while simultaneously showing off your fierce bikini pics!!

  6. Juliann Rose

    I think/know/feel YOU ARE AN AMAZING WOMAN!!! I too am fat and love myself completely! As everyone should… Fat or skinny…A friend of mine posted this article on my Facebook wall… Probably because we look somewhat alike and our love for ourselves are spot on…I will be following your blog…Peace Love and Light ❤

  7. lolita

    You are too fine, just like me, all I see is good! But some people just can not understand our fabulousness! I Love me and when I step out, my head is up, my but pushed out, breast pushed up, I look dam good. I Love You and your style!!!

  8. kelli

    Lady…..I applaud you! You’re gorgeous! Rock it!

    Next, I need that pink dress! Point me in the right direction???

  9. Arlene Sherrard

    Woah but those bright colours look amazing on you! I love the dress, it’s so pretty. Thanks for sharing your letter and your awesome pictures. x

  10. Kristen

    Holy smokes I need that red dress. I would say we are close to the same shape and size (though photographs are deceiving).

    I have no doubt your in good health. My own Dr is always shocked that my blood pressure is on point. My cholesterol is in range. My heart is like a mac truck, my mind a steel trap. …it just so happens so is my stomach.

    I like food. /shrug.
    I’m HAPPY though. Have a great relationship with my husband of 22 years. Great job, awesome house, I live and like my life (which is more than I can say for haters)

    You do you, I’ll do me, and they can try to love themselves. (High fives all around)

    (Side note, your pixie cut had given me ideas! Fellow ginger!)

  11. Alice

    You look wonderful! Your confidence makes you even more beautiful and the very classy way you handle the situation, well you got it going on girl! I wish that I was as confidant and as comfortable in my skin as you are. I could learn a lot from you. Beautiful woman.

  12. Ann

    You are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside! You handled that with such dignity without ever resorting to the level of the bully. You look amazing in all of your pictures and your positive attitude is infectious! Love and light, sweet girlie xoxo

  13. Bain

    I love that you threw in LOTS of photographs. I also love this quote: “when you show your true colours, and they’re dim, grey and muddy, they make mine shine much brighter.” Thank you for sharing this.

  14. April

    What some people don’t realize some people are big because of health issues and can’t lose weight…I have struggled with PCOS for years and no matter how healthy I eat or exercise the weight stays. I applauded you for your post and you look beautiful. Rock that body

    • Laina

      I also suffer with PCOS and know exactly what you’re talking about in reference to the not being able to lose weight thing! I just wanted you to know that I totally feel ya and ur not alone! It really sux!

  15. Annie Mills

    I love your bikini! I like the shoes too but the first thing I look at is arch support and think my feet would be hurting after a few hours.☺️

  16. Juanita

    Firstly, you’re gorgeous. Secondly, screw her phat is beautiful. Being a larger woman myself, I sometimes do feel ashamed of my body, I know I’m beautiful, I know my boyfriend lives me, and I know that my internal beauty shines through. But occasionally, when I’m out shopping, or getting groceries, I feel as though people stare at me, and I’ve even heard some very rude hushed comments. Your boldness gives me hope that one day I will wake up and feel beautiful, and that I will peek in my self love. Not self-worth but love. Thirdly your nails while beautiful are very unhealthy. Acrylics are so extremely aweful for your nails health. They are really pretty though 🙂 and so are you!

  17. kati

    I love your suit – you look amazing in all these pictures – your sense of style is spot-on & your blog response is the epitome of grace. rock on! 🙂

  18. Millie54

    You could not be one bit cuter if you tried. Thank you for showing off your “tiger stripes” on your tummy; most of us have them, it’s okay to show them! Plus, I’m very envious of your gorgeous bracelet!!

  19. rachelkeyte1970

    “You see, when you show your true colours, and they’re dim, grey and muddy, they make mine shine much brighter. ” – Love love love this, you gorgeous and amazing woman.

  20. Christina Clawson

    I so loved your reply to such a crappy poster. I wish people would hold their tongue if they don’t have anything nice or constructive to say. I’m a larger (345lbs) woman and I strut my stuff all over the place and don’t care and I get comments and looks but I’m happy being me. I run, play tennis, and swim all the time and I think I look damn good too doing it. I wish people would stop fat shaming or thinking they have the right to judge others for their body imperfections. None of us are perfect, thin or fat, and we all need to learn to be less critical and judgmental. You go girl. I am so glad I found your blog and Facebook page. I just liked it and I look forward to seeing more from you! You are gorgeous by the way and your hubby is a super lucky man! Any of those three outfits are adorable but I really liked the dress the most! =D

  21. Dede

    Love that swimsuit. The top seems to fit well and not bite into you or pinch.
    If you are comfortable in your body,then show what you want. There are no laws against it. People can look the other way if they can’t handle it.
    Be happy!!!!!

  22. Tara

    I literally have NOTHING to add to your blogpost. And the fabulous pics of you were just the delicious icing on the cake. Keep it up girl :*

  23. Leah

    Yaaaaassssssss! You look killer in that bikini, and I love that you have your tiger stripes out too. Like I said before, that woman is such a bleeping bleep who thinks she’s Joan Rivers’ replacement. Sucks to be her.

    There’s giving someone your opinion, and then there’s being cruel and nasty. And she had the bare faced cheek to call YOU trashy? I think she needs to look in the mirror next time she makes a statement like that.

    Keep on rocking it. P.S. I love the earrings and dress, aaaaand bikini. Can I steal your wardrobe? 😉

  24. Laina

    First of all ur a hottie with a rockin body! Secondly I think it’s even more irritating when another big person (but especially a bbw) tries to body shame someone of size! We have enough headache from a society of people who aren’t big tryina shame us and tell us we don’t deserve to live because of the way we look! Apparently she’s never heard the saying, “That’s the pot calling the kettle black”! Awesome response though! I couldn’t have said it better myself! Also loved all the gorge pics of yourself thrown in! Hahaha I really appreciated the point you made about how her failed attempts to throw shade on you are just a reflection of her own insecurities! #preachthat #realtalk #keepinit100 #onpoint #iknowthazzright #truedat

  25. Marie-louise

    Love u! Thanx for so brilliantly putting her into place. I’m a plus size lady aswell and love my body. I’m not plus size because i’m unhealthy of choose to be this way, i’m plus size because its in my genes. All you haters should look in the mirror, because you are not perfect either! God bless you!!!

  26. Kat Kazoo

    Such power! such beauty! you are truly an inspiration! PS, love that dress and that bikini! Where did you find one that was so flattering???!?! I love that it was well fitting, I myself a chunky girl. I hate when bra straps on the sides end up folding up into my fluff. That however just sat beautifully! that lady was nuts to insult you. You clearly shine! keep shining! ❤

  27. Laura Wise

    You are so awesome. I wish I had your confidence. I spend a lot if time trying to hide myself from the world. You are so amazing

  28. RONI

    Wow what an amazing response to an sad individual’s comments. You are truly and inspiration and an AMAZING woman. You are an inspiration to me. YOU ROCK!!!

  29. From The Pews

    Found your blog via my sisters’ comments on a tee pic on Instagram. So very glad they led me to you!

    I am proud of your strength! Your courage! But above all I am quite envious that you have embraced the inherent dignity and self-worth that we all possess and should realize.
    Perhaps one day we women will unite and destroy the vast amount of lies that society has spewed for so long in regards to our value (sexual, superficial, fleeting, etc.).
    Thank you for blogging but above all thank you for your inspiring love!!!
    God Bless 💖💖💖

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